How Often Do Couples Have Sex? Stats and What's Normal

According to a 2021 study on how often couples have sex, the finding is usually once a week or less for penile-vaginal intercourse. Yet the varied answers depend on how you define couples (including same-sex partners) or even how you define sex (masturbation is on the rise but sex alone is not coupled).

Factors like age, stress, how long you've been in a relationship, and individual libido (sex drive) affect frequency. Keep in mind that sex can strengthen emotional bonds and reduce stress, while making communication, satisfaction, and emotional intimacy more important than how often sex happens.

Normal Sex Frequency by Age

A survey published in 2020 found that average sexual frequency by age group is as follows:

• Adults ages 18 to 24: About 37% of men and 52% of women have sex at least once per week.
• Adults ages 25 to 34: About 50% of men and 54% of women have sex at least once per week.
• Adults ages 35 to 44: About 50% of men and 53% of women have sex at least once per week.

According to another survey conducted between 1989 to 2014, the biggest decline in sexual frequency can be seen in people in their 50s. However, a study from Ireland found 75% of people ages 50 to 64 were still sexually active, compared to 23% of people ages 75 and over.

The average sex frequency appears to be around once per week for all sexes and age groups. However, studies from Germany, Australia, Japan, and the United Kingdom, as well as the United States, found overall declines in coupled sex. There are patterns of "sex alone" on the rise, with more people masturbating or using sex toys.

Factors That Affect How Often Couples Have Sex

Factors that can affect how often couples have sex include:

• Age: Sex hormone levels peak in youth but decline significantly around age 50, when decreases in sexual frequency become most noticeable.
• Libido: Mismatched libidos are one of the most common reasons that couples seek therapy. Having a partner whose libido does not match with yours can reduce sex frequency, intimacy, and overall relationship quality.
• Relationship status: Research suggests that people who are single tend to have more sex than people who are partnered (married or unmarried). On the other hand, some studies suggest there's less sex because fewer couples now live in the same home.
• Chronic health conditions: Many chronic diseases, including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), are linked to reduced libido and sexual dysfunction. Mental health and sleep quality also can be factors.
• Employment status: Full-time working men have more frequent sex than those who work part-time, are unemployed, or are students. Employment status doesn’t impact women's sex frequency, but female students report having sex less often.
• Children: Couples with school-aged children report having less sex compared to couples with children in different age groups and couples with no children.
• Use of porn: Internet pornography use among one or both partners is consistently associated with poorer relationship quality, feelings of inadequacy, and low self-esteem. Studies continue to explore the impacts of porn and impersonal sex and sexual behaviors.

What Is a Healthy Sex Life?

Signs of a healthy sex life include:

• Mutual satisfaction: Whether partners have sex once per year or once per day, both partners are content with the frequency and quality of sex.
• Open communication: Both partners are able to discuss their desires, needs, and boundaries—both in and outside of the bedroom—without fear of judgment.
• Emotional connection: Partners share an emotional bond and intimacy that continues even in times when sex is less frequent.
• Consent and respect: Any sexual activity that does occur is consensual, and both partners respect each other's limits, boundaries, and preferences.
• Balance: If there is a discrepancy in libido or preferences, partners are able to talk about it and find a balance that works for them both.
  

Signs of an Unhealthy Sex Life

Signs of an unhealthy sex life include:

• Mismatched libido: A mismatched libido is a sign of an unhealthy sex life because it can lead to frustration, feelings of rejection, and emotional disconnect between partners.
• Poor communication: Lack of communication leads to misunderstandings and unmet needs, causing dissatisfaction and resentment. Without open dialogue, issues go unaddressed, weakening intimacy.
• One-sided initiation: A 2017 review in PLoS One found that people were generally more content with their sex life and relationship when both partners were able to initiate sex. Those who stuck to strict “roles” in which the man initiates sex were almost always less satisfied.
• Emotional or physical pain: Pain or distress during sex, whether emotional or physical, may be a sign of an underlying issue that needs to be addressed; failure to address it is likely to reduce intimacy and the quality of sex.
• Diminished desire: A persistent drop in sexual desire or arousal, particularly if it causes distress or affects your relationship, can point to an imbalance in libido or another issue that can harm the connection between partners.
• Power imbalances or coercion: Mutual consent and respect rather than manipulation and control are essential for a positive and fulfilling sexual relationship.
  

The frequency of sex alone does not determine whether a sex life is healthy or unhealthy. However, if the frequency or other issues related to your sex life lead to emotional distress or disconnection, there may be a problem worth exploring with your partner and/or a therapist.

Your healthcare provider also may recommend testing to diagnose an underlying condition that may contribute to sexual difficulties.

How to Find a Healthy Balance

If you and your partner are not on the same wavelength when it comes to sex, there are some ways that you can work on making sure that both of you are happy and satisfied with your sex life.

Here are a few tips to consider:

• See a therapist: An online or in-person sex therapist can help you and your partner address differences and find common ground, making it easier to discuss sensitive topics with professional mediation.
• Work on intimacy: If fear of intimacy is causing you or your partner to avoid sex, it's crucial to discuss these feelings openly. Understanding each other's emotions helps prevent misunderstandings and avoids placing blame on either partner.
• Plan ahead: While spontaneous, spur-of-the-moment sex can be fun, scheduling sex can be beneficial while addressing each other's needs. Anticipating these moments might enhance connection and arousal. Contraception can be part of the planning.

Each couple has unique sexual needs and preferences. The key is to find a balance that suits both partners and supports a fulfilling relationship.

Summary

On average, couples in the U.S. have sex once a week or less. The frequency of sex is greater in younger couples and tends to decline a lot after the age of 50. Single people and people without children tend to have more sex than people who are partnered or have children.

The frequency of sex does not necessarily reflect how people feel about their relationships, though sexual dissatisfaction can. What's more important is the quality of the sex when it occurs, the couples' ability to communicate, and mutual respect for each other's boundaries and preferences.